Toronto Needs To Chill On The Canadian

So I haven’t made a blog post in two weeks and no, it wasn’t because I died, although I thank you for the concern but I have gone missing for the last two weeks because it is exam season… so I wish I actually had died.

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How I feel during exams

I’ve been studying and finishing up final assignments and reports for the last few weeks, (which actually means I’ve been binge watching “The Crown” and YouTubing episodes of questionable British television while a book sits in my lap) and I have had no time to write on anything that doesn’t have to do with cardiac diseases and I highly doubt people who read my blog would want to know about cardiac diseases (although cardiomyopathy is quite fascinating and I highly suggest you Google it if you have the time). But despite all the assignments and lab reports and exams, I managed to find the time to take a day trip to Toronto with my mom because who doesn’t want to go downtown Toronto at the peak of christmas shopping season? Well, my mother apparently doesn’t mind the insanity of Toronto this time of year,so she dragged with her.

I don’t really like the city to be quite honest which is kind of ironic since I’ve spent most of my life living in one and have been to Toronto more times than I’ve been to the town I was born in but this time I actually didn’t mind going BECAUSE I GOT TO TAKE THE TRAIN!!!!!!111!!!!!

Whoa, calm down lady, you’re probably thinking. No. You don’t understand. Taking the train here is EXTRA cool because I’ve taken the train three times in my whole life. I have been on airplanes more times than I have been on the train AND I WAS SO EXCITED that I accidentally texted the wrong person about the train routes and the most Canadian thing ever happened.

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The nicest stranger I’ve ever encountered had no idea who I was but still gave me directions… and this isn’t the first time this has happened either.

Even though I messaged the wrong person, I figured out how to get to Toronto (ON THE TRAIN!!!!) and I got a picture of Ontario’s biggest Christmas tree. It reminded me of the massive Christmas tree in the middle of Whoville in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” except it wasn’t as whimsical… and Jim Carrey (who adds to the story because he’s conveniently Canadian) didn’t light it on fire.

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See, look how pretty!

I also got to see a pink Christmas tree forest which I had a love hate relationship with because the colour was pretty but all the pine needles stuck in my sweater and all over me and I went to school with pink pine needles stuck in my hair for the last three days and people were all “Ew. You don’t shower. You had that in your hair yesterday.” and I’m all, “You uneducated swine. Do you realize how hard it is to get things out of curly hair? I found a Halloween sprinkle in my hair from 2005 last week. Things don’t just ‘wash out’ of curly hair.” Except I said it a little nicer than that. I think.

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I was then forced to take a million photos of the city I have been in a million times because my mother was with me and there’s some rule written in the Mom book that says you have to take an unnecessary amount of photos of your children, so this is me protesting by hiding in an elf house, which she still managed to get a picture of.

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I was also encountered by a Costco amount of free food and if you don’t have Costco where you live, I feel incredibly sorry for you because Costco gives out so many free samples that you could literally eat a free lunch worth of food there. I know this because I’ve done it and I’m not ashamed of it. Costco also allows you to buy anything from diamond rings to toilet paper to frozen fish all in one place. It’s like Walmart on crack.

Here I am with free soup, which was delightful because it was so dreadfully cold.

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And here I am WITH FREE POUTINE!!! This made me more excited than the train because not only is poutine a Canadian delicacy, but it is quite possibly the BEST drunk food you will ever eat in your life.Not that I was drunk here…and not that I would know that t’s the best drunk food from personal experience or anything…. It’s also full of salt so it makes your arteries feel extra warm. And clogged.

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I also encountered several other super Canadian things like a giant moose made of moss surrounded by Canadian beer bottles. Apparently we love to drink more here than they do on the questionable British television shows that I love to drown myself in… like Geordie Shore. Yes, I know, it’s garbage television BUT I CANT STOP WATCHING DRUNK BRITISH PEOPLE!! IT’S SO ENTERTAINING!! “YOUR A WANKER! YOU GOT WITH A BIRD LAST NIGHT! I SAW HIS WILLY! I WEED THE BED!” British reality TV is just so much more entertaining than the American versions, mostly because they call women birds, they can use the word “willy” in a serious conversation and when they pee themselves they say “they’ve weed” themselves. Ahhh…the British are a fascinating species.

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And I got to see the CN Tower (again) which is always fun. I also learned that my mom used to work in the building that I have, ever so nicely, decided to label for you. She was a receptionist there when she was my age which seems crazy to me because my mom was already married and had her life together when she was younger than I am and it makes me feel like I’m making poor life choices. Sorry, Mom.

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Although my day was filled with Canadian stereotypes, free food and pink forests, my day got even better because I discovered this gem:

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Umm, Danielle, this is just a board where people write what they’re thankful for? What’s so great about this?

Well, most people wrote friends names or family members,”Mom” appears quite frequently and boyfriends or girlfriends names were popular, but there were three particular names that made me love this city even more that I already did that day.  img_4982

Someone had written Chicken nuggets and Tasty Wok at the bottom of the board and I was laughing so hard that people had begun to stare at me and my mom walked away from me pretending she didn’t know me. THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!! I LOVE THIS CITY!! I kept thinking, because chicken nuggets is EXACTLY what I was thinking about writing on that board.

Just as my mom was coming back to steal my phone to take more pictures, I noticed a third one that made me laugh even harder.

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Someone was thankful for HARAMBE. This meme just won’t die. I mean… I know Harambe died but… you know what, never mind.

So, if you’re having a bad day, I highly recommend that you “accidentally” text a Canadian because they’ll probably reply to you in a really funny and kind way or go order a poutine because anything covered in cheese and gravy is bound to cheer you up. If poutine doesn’t help you, I don’t know what will.

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2 thoughts on “Toronto Needs To Chill On The Canadian

  1. I absolutely definitely want one of those hot pink Christmas trees.

    Despite being English, I’ve never watched Geordie Shore. Then again, I suppose I don’t have to. I LIVE in England, if I want to be entertained by uneducated weirdos I just have to hang around at the pub for a few hours.

    I feel that the response you got to that text sums up Canadian culture in its entirety. Unbelievably polite and helpful, even when it’s totally unnecessary. :p

    Liked by 1 person

    • I didn’t even know Geordie Shore existed until about two weeks ago when Youtube decided to recommend it to me (I still have no idea why that happened) and I was so in shock by what Europeans are aloud to televise that I couldn’t stop watching it. I think if someone was to make a Canadian reality TV show, it would literally just be people buying a Tims coffee, people fighting for their life crossing the street around geese, shovelling snow for 5 months a year and receiving lovely texts from random strangers. Wait a second, thats my life… I could be a Canadian reality TV star.

      Liked by 1 person

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