I have a really bad habit of misbehaving in public. I cannot go anywhere without acting like a durranged lunatic. I think its mostly because when I think of something hilarious to do, I will do just about anything to do it and I don’t care what other people think as long as I get to be funny. One time I paid a whole dollar to ride on the merry-go-round ride in the mall that was literally built for 4 year olds. I sat up on the horse seat that fit one of my butt cheeks and smiled and waved to people as they passed by. Most people looked at me like I was crazy and I was “disturbing their shopping experience” as the mall security guard told me, but a few people laughed with me and that made it all worth it. It was the best dollar I ever spent.
Last week I didn’t attempt to ride another merry-go-round but I did end up in a book store which resulted in me picking out all the cat colouring books I could find and taking pictures of the funniest ones. I couldn’t help but do it. Some of their facial expressions were just begging for me to imagine them saying or doing something hilarious and I sat in the middle of the book store cackling away at a cat colouring book. I tried to explain what was so funny to my boyfriend and showed him all the pictures of the cats and said funny things that I think they would say, but he just looked at me like I has just smoked meth and suggested that I continue to laugh but on the other side of the store. And away from him. And I should return to the car after he did so no one would know we were together.
I thought I would share my epic cat monologues with ya’ll since no one else seems to understand my humour. But you also can laugh at me from a far distance and don’t need to be in the same room as me while I do these things…
“I purred once. It was awful.”
“Brenda shut the hell up or I’ll tell Steve about that time in Vegas”
“I’m only here because I heard that Russian women are hot. And they also said there would be free cake. There was no free cake… and no women.”
“Frank, for God’s sake stop it! It’s your daughters birthday party and you Will. Have Fun.”
“Shut the hell up Karen, I’m having fun! LOOK IM WEARING A FUNKY HAT. ITS FUN! IM HAVING FUN! ”
*sniff sniff* Do I smell chicken?
“Dude I’m so high right now”
” Yo, what time is it?”
“DONUTS MAKE YOU FAT?!!?!?!??! ”
And my personal favourite…
So, if you ever need a person to go shopping with, don’t call me. Because I’ll end up doing stuff like this and probably get us kicked out of the mall and arrested.
Also, what is this thing? An eggplant… with a window in it… and a tail coming out of the window????? I think the “high cat” is the culprit behind this one…