Yesterday I put aside my addiction for YouTube and decided to watch cable TV for the first time in 100 years. But not actually 100 years because that would mean I stopped watching TV before I could even start watching it since I wasn’t born yet and also because the TV wasn’t even invented yet. Imagine that headline… “Fetus has strike against cable TV before its even invented and she’s even born.” I was the most accomplished fetus ever.
During my endevour into cable TV, I totally forgot what it’s like to have to sit there and watch 5 whole minutes of commercials without being able to hit the skip button or just click to another video so I actually had to sit there and watch them all and it made me extra appreciative that it was Thursday because watching commercials made it a literal flashback Thursday. So I’m watching TV with my cat and my lap is covered in Cheetos and my fingers covered in Cheetos dust when all of the sudden I hear a fart. A cute little squeaky fart. I knew it wasn’t me, and if it came from the cat I honestly would have been impressed and probably tried to get him to do it again so I could film it and put it on YouTube but I knew it was way too cute to be my cat’s fart. And it didn’t smell. My cat’s farts smell like literal death. So I look on the TV, and behold, there’s a farting banana.
I could not figure out what on earth someone could possibly be advertising with a farting banana until I saw the cloud of “banana fart scent” going down into a tube and into a marker. Scented markers. They were advertising scented markers and it was the most GENIOUS advertising I had ever seen. Screw sales, screw discounts and coupons. Wanna get more people to buy your product? Just make a commercial of them farting. “But I sell clothing…”, you might be thinking, well make that sweater fart out a puff of wool or a car fart out a cloud of smoke or a cell phone poop out some headphones and I WILL BUY IT GUARANTEED.
This commercial was by far one of the funniest and most amazing things I had ever seen, but I couldn’t help but question how on earth these advertisers would know what a banana fart smells like? Like how do you know it smells like bananas? Banana farts could smell just as awful as human farts. Think I’m crazy? Well human farts don’t smell like human, they smell like nastiness and death. So banana farts could smell just as awful. See, I’m not completely crazy. I have logic. Sometimes.
If anyone can find me true “banana fart smell”, I will be not only impressed (and deeply concerned as to how you found “banana fart smell”) but I would be happy to smell it and decide if banana farts truly do smell like banana. I’ll be saving these advertisers a lot of time and discovering the 8th wonder of the world all at once. I was an impressive fetus and will be an impressive adult as well…even if my version of “impressive” is discovering banana fart smell. But who wouldn’t be impressed by that discovery? NOBODY, that’s who.
I really do hope that banana farts actually do smell like banana if thats how they’re putting the scents into their scented markers because imagine if banana farts smell just as awful as human farts and a kid whips out his scented markers, opens the cap and takes a massive whiff of RANK FART SMELL. That would be terrible. Hilarious, but terrible.
Okay so YouTube disappointed me and didn’t have the farting banana commercial but I did manage to find a farting blueberry version and it’s just as enjoyable.