Why Stickers are Ruining My Life Part 1

When I was seven I was OBSESSED with Lizzie McGuire. When it came to fangirling over Lizzie McGuire, on a scale of Donald Trump supporter to a 2009 Belieber­ I was somewhere close to the Beliebers. Which is scary because 2009 Beliebers were literally insane.

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Sorry Biebs, maybe if it was 2009?

I guess I should explain who Lizzie McGuire was since some people who were born after 2003 reading this will have absolutely no idea what the hell I’m talking about. Lizzie McGuire was an extremely popular TV show on the Disney channel in the early 2000’s, the main character,

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Slay queen, slay.

Lizzie, being played by Hillary Duff who was basically the queen of Disney channel and was pretty much every little girl under 12’s idol.

My childhood room was decorated with anything I could find Lizzie McGuire. My bedspread, curtains, phone, books, bookshelf, desk and mirror where all Lizzie McGuire themed.

“Well how on earth do you find a bookshelf and a desk themed after a little girls TV show?” you’re probably asking yourself right now. Well, you didn’t. They didn’t exist so I made them exist by sticking Lizzie McGuire stickers on

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True. Idol.

every piece of furniture I owned. What a nightmare, any parent reading this is thinking and OH MY GOD YOU ARE RIGHT. It was like my room contracted a Disney channel STD that couldn’t be treated with any amount of medical treatment or “special ointment” that costs $300 a tube. Lizzie McGuire herpes. McGuirpes.

Three years later when I out grew Lizzie McGuire and had since moved on to the much more mature Hello Kitty, my furniture would still remain Lizzie McGuire themed since THE STICKERS WOULD NOT COME OFF. McGuirpes could not be cured.

This was the first time I had realized the severity of my decision to not think about my sticker placements which I think psychologically explains my obsessive need to triple think any time I want to place a sticker anywhere. It took me less time to pick what I wanted to wear to prom than it does for me to think about where I’m going to place a sticker. Or at least it seems so.

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My friends made fun of me like Kate made fun of Lizzie. Nice burn, Kate. It’s tumblr famous now.

I had definitely learned my lesson because up until I was 14, I had the same bedroom furniture that remained covered in Lizzie McGuire stickers. Every acne covered, body oder smelling, greasy haired preteen that entered into my bedroom from 2009 onward made a point to make fun of my McGuirpes infected furniture and I was totally pissed. And I honestly couldn’t blame them for it, it was hilarious.

Thank you stickers for making my pubescent life full of torment and name calling but making my adult life that much more hilarious.

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